The Story We Leave Behind

What People Really Remember About You

A while back, I was sitting in a restaurant with friends when the server came to take our order. Everyone else reached for their menu. Mine was already closed and sitting off to the side. When they arrived, I smiled and said, "I have a favor to ask. If you were sitting here for dinner tonight, I'd like you to order exactly what you would have. Make it your way. Add your own twists. I'll tell you a couple of things I don't care for, but beyond that, I don't want to know a thing. I want to be surprised."

There's usually a brief pause. Then comes a smile.

"Really? You don't want me to tell you what it is?"

"Nope."

"You trust me?"

"I do."

By the time they walk away, something has already changed.

Trust Instead of a Transaction

People sometimes assume I'm doing it because I'm adventurous with food. The truth is a little different. I enjoy discovering dishes I never would have ordered for myself, but that's only part of it. What I really enjoy is what happens between two people in those first few moments. Instead of beginning with a transaction, we begin with trust. The server is no longer reciting the specials for the hundredth time that week. They're sharing something they genuinely enjoy. They have permission to make it their own. Throughout the rest of the meal there's a different energy. We smile a little more. We talk a little more. They stop by just to see what I think. I leave remembering far more than what was on the plate.

The older I get, the more I realize life works that way. Every conversation leaves an impression. Long before people know our accomplishments or our intentions, they're quietly deciding what it feels like to be around us. Most of us never hear those conclusions, yet they become part of a story that follows us into rooms we'll never enter and conversations we'll never hear.

Almost No One Remembers the Car

Years ago, I thought those stories were shaped by obvious things. I remember standing in a dealership wondering whether buying too modest a car would make me seem less successful, or whether buying too expensive a car would make people assume I charged too much. Looking back, I smile. I spent so much energy thinking about the car. Almost no one remembers the car. They remember the experience.

We Remember How People Made Us Feel

After thousands of conversations with business owners, clients and complete strangers, I've become convinced that the people we remember rarely stand out because of what they owned. We remember how they made us feel. We remember that they listened. We remember that they were curious. We remember walking away with a little more confidence than when we arrived. Those moments quietly accumulate until one day someone says, "There's just something about that person." I don't think that sentence can be manufactured. I think it has to be earned.

What's It Actually Like to Experience You?

These days I find myself asking a different question. What's it actually like to experience me? It's a question none of us can answer alone, yet it changes almost everything. It changes how we listen, how we disagree, how we lead, and even the way we begin an ordinary conversation with someone we'll probably never see again.

Perhaps that's the opportunity in front of all of us. Not to perfect an image, but to leave a better experience. One conversation at a time. One ordinary moment at a time. I've found that sometimes all it takes is trusting someone enough to say, "Surprise me." It turns out those two simple words have taught me far more about people than they ever have about food.

I wonder. If someone else were writing your story today, what would they say it's really about?

Note to Advisors

Most of us in advisory work pour our energy into getting the answer right. That matters. But think back on the professionals who actually earned your trust over the years. Odds are you don't remember the specific recommendation nearly as clearly as you remember how it felt to be in the room with them. Clients are no different. Long after the details fade, they remember whether you listened, whether you were curious, and whether they walked out a little more confident than when they walked in. That experience is part of what you're really offering, whether you think about it or not. If you work with business owners and want a collaborator who takes that seriously, I'd welcome the conversation.

— Larry Stiver
Founder, Stiver Financial Services

The Business Un-Complicators

P.S. I still ask servers to surprise me, and it has never once been about the food. It's the quickest reminder I know that trusting someone, even in something small, changes what happens next. The same holds true in business. The stakes are just higher and the memories last longer.

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